The Misfortunes of YuGiOh!
by Dalamar the Dark
Summary: The Yu-Gi-Oh! Characters have a house, and they are having more than their share of adventures... (This might have some Fushigi-Yuugi crossover too)
1. Intro: Halloween

OK, this is my first Yu-Gi-Oh fic, so go easy! I would love reviews, obviously, but no flames! Thanks be to . *evil cackle* ... my sister and sistah .  
  
I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, unfortunately. (It will come with time.)  
  
CHAPTER ONE: YAMI BAKURA AND ABNORMAL SUGAR REACTIONS  
  
Yami Yugi, Yami Bakura, Ryou Bakura, and Seto sat on a couch, waiting for Joey, Tristan, Yugi, Tea and Mokuba to return with . their Halloween candy.  
  
Scandalized at the thought of Trick-or-Treating, they had sent out the others to get candy for them. Well, they didn't really want candy, but the less evil characters had decided to have some fun. So Yami Yugi, Yami Bakura, Ryou Bakura and Seto were waiting and playing games to pass the time.  
  
"There once was a Yami," Yami Bakura started their game.  
  
"The Yami jumped off a cliff," Seto added, grinning.  
  
Glaring, Yami Yugi interjected, ".but was saved by their faithful Dark Magician."  
  
"The way he talks about that guy, you'd think they're in love," Seto muttered to Ryou. Ryou looked disturbed and edged away.  
  
"Your turn, Ryou," Yami Bakura said, glaring evilly.  
  
"Um," Ryou said intelligently.  
  
Seto whispered something in his ear. Ryou looked shocked.  
  
"Uh," Ryou continued, "the Dark Magician and Yami Yugi started to ."  
  
Seto was smirking. The doorbell rang.  
  
"That's probably some Trick-or-Treaters!" Yami Yugi said hurriedly. "Come on!"  
  
Carefully arranging his expression to look especially sadistic, Yami Bakura opened the door.  
  
"Trick or Treat!" said a little boy at their feet. Yami Bakura raised one eyebrow in an expression that spoke volumes.  
  
"I'll handle this," Ryou said quickly. "After all," he added very quietly, "there are legal charges involved in killing young children." Yami Bakura grinned, which was a particularly terrifying thing. The little boy edged away.  
  
"Huh? Candy? Oh, wait, we have some ." Ryou reached inside and grabbed the basket of candy. There were many pieces of chocolate, each shaped like a millenium item and wrapped in gold foil.  
  
The boy snatched the chocolate Millenium Ring and giggled, pointing at Yami Bakura, "hey, I got your ring!"  
  
Yami Bakura's expression was rapidly becoming murderous. Prudently stepping on the Tomb Raider's foot, Yami Yugi slammed the door shut. Then he turned on Yami Bakura.  
  
"What did I say about killing small children?" Yami Yugi said, turning to glare at Yami Bakura.  
  
"I'm not supposed to do it," Yami Bakura sulked. "I had a fit of rage. If that child was under my care, it would be dead . several million times over."  
  
"That's why we aren't letting you have children, Bakura," Seto said, steering them back to the couch. "Now, where were we? Ah, yes, the Dark Magician and Yami Yugi were ."  
  
(Enter the Dark Magician.)  
  
"The Dark Magician and Yami Yugi were what?" the Dark Magician inquired.  
  
Seto leaned backwards and looked straight up. "Could you shrink or something? You make me feel . vertically challenged."  
  
"Good thing Yugi's not here," Yami Yugi said.  
  
(Enter Yugi.)  
  
"Dark Magician," Yugi said, staring at the Dark Magician's shin, "could you bend down or something?"  
  
"Afraid not," the Dark Magician said apologetically. "I got new armor, it's a bit stiff."  
  
Yugi tried to look up at the Dark Magician. He ended up tilting his head too far back, though, and toppled over backwards.  
  
Ryou, Seto, and the Yamis began to laugh. Gathering the remains of his dignity, Yugi stood up and tapped the Dark Magician's knee.  
  
The Dark Magician, naturally, didn't notice. He was looking at the bats Tea had suspended from the ceiling earlier that day.  
  
Yugi finally started jumping up and down on the Dark Magician's foot.  
  
Things might have been nasty had not the rest of the vagrant Trick-or- Treaters suddenly appeared. Each looked rather odd. Perhaps, Yami Yugi reflected, it was because they all were grinning hugely. That, and the candy wrappers suspended from the points of the hair of Joey and Tristan.  
  
"That's sick," Seto muttered to Yami Yugi as Joey and Tristan began to skip around in circles. (The Dark Magician had retreated to . someplace.) Yami Yugi nodded agreement. For the second time that evening, Yami Bakura looked ready to kill.  
  
"What," Ryou said in a tone nearly as evil as his Yami's (Yami Bakura grinned and muttered "corruption is working"), "have you been doing?!"  
  
"Whoa," Tea mumbled, banging her head repeatedly against Joey's hair spike. "Good stuff. Better than that pot we had last night - I mean, um," she continued. Yami Yugi noticed an intriguing pack of . sugar pellets?!? . clutched in Tea's hand. Yugi seemed slightly less affected than the others, although his eyes had a slightly glazed look.  
  
"Oh, no," Yami Yugi said with a wicked grin spreading across his face. "I should have known."  
  
"What?" Yami Bakura asked, and then upon seeing the evil grin on the other Yami's face, began to smirk.  
  
"Abnormal reactions to sugar," Yami Yugi said, and then collapsed into laughter. 


	2. Bakura Encounters Sugar, Sugar Wins

Disclaimer . thingy: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! . yet.  
  
CHAPTER TWO: BAKURA ENCOUNTERS SUGAR (SUGAR WINS)  
  
~A/N: I might start referring to Yami Yugi as just "Yami". Yami Bakura will be Bakura and Ryou Bakura will be Ryou.~  
  
Yugi, Tristan, Joey, Téa and Mokuba were dancing around in circles when suddenly their eyes glazed over. They fell to the floor with several resounding thumps.  
  
"I wonder what they were doing," Bakura mused, picking up one of the few uneaten packs of sugar pellets.  
  
"I wouldn't," Yami warned.  
  
But it was too late. Bakura was starting to eat .  
  
*****  
  
"I'll drive," Ryou offered hopefully, looking toward the middle seat of the car (which was bouncing up and down).  
  
"No way," Yami said firmly. "I've seen what you call driving. You can ride in the back with the unconscious ones, and Seto will ride in the middle."  
  
Seto looked into the middle seat. Bakura had been tied up with a number of Yugi's buckles from his blue suit, since he was unconscious from sugar overload anyway. Bakura, however, was unfortunately not unconscious. He was struggling wildly against the buckles (as well as the two seat belts) and shrieking things like, "All flies must die!" (while speaking to a boot) and "Kill the traitor!" (while pointing at a clothespin).  
  
"Absolutely not," Seto refused.  
  
Yami motioned to the watching Dark Magician. The Dark Magician threw a cursing Seto in the seat with Bakura, who promptly went for Kaiba's throat. Seto scrambled away and crouched in a corner. A relieved Ryou got into the back with the immobile Tristan, Joey, Téa, Mokuba and Yugi.  
  
"Dark Magician," Yami added as he got into the driver's seat, "I'd invite you along, but we don't really have room."  
  
The Dark Magician nodded. "I won't say 'have fun', but . try to keep him intact, more or less," he said, pointing toward the maniacal Bakura.  
  
The dashboard blinked the time: 11:29 PM.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Yami headed for the hospital.  
  
*****  
  
The nurse looked oddly at the raging Bakura, who was ensconced in five straitjackets. "Reason of . problem?"  
  
"Sugar," Yami Yugi mumbled.  
  
"And the others?" The nurse asked, pointing to the unconscious Trick- or-Treaters.  
  
"Sugar overload," Seto said, coming up from behind Yami. "Hey, can you put me down too? I think he broke my arm."  
  
Yami raised his eyebrows. "How?"  
  
"He stabbed me with Mokuba's hair," Seto sulked.  
  
"Ah, yes," Yami said. "I sympathize. He did that to me recently." Yami showed several scars on his arm.  
  
The nurse finished filling out the forms, then stopped. "um, I have one more question," she added shyly to Yami.  
  
"Yes?" Yami asked absently.  
  
"What kind of dye to you use on your hair?"  
  
Yami slowly looked at the nurse. His purple eyes were glittering and he appeared to be hyperventilating slightly.  
  
"Let me deal with this," Seto muttered in the Yami's ear, shoving him aside.  
  
"Gladly," Yami Yugi said from between clenched teeth.  
  
Seto turned toward the nurse. "It's natural coloring, you see," he said, with a grin rather like a predator about to kill.  
  
The nurse watched the enraged Yami and the amused Seto leave the room.  
  
"Was it something I said?" she wondered aloud.  
  
*  
  
OK, thank you everyone for reviewing!! 


	3. Name Mispronunciations and the Aftereffe...

CHAPTER THREE: NAME MISPRONUNCIATIONS AND THE AFTEREFFECTS OF SUGAR  
  
Seto sat in his chair, musing. It was Saturday morning. Ever since all the Yu-Gi-Oh characters had bought their house and decided to live together, there had been many problems. Like the time Tristan punched a hole in the water pipes with his hair .  
  
"Yo, Seto!" Tristan said, coming up behind him.  
  
"What?" Seto snapped. He pulled his Blue Eyes White Dragon out of a pocket and began to stroke it for reassurance - any encounter with Tristan was bound to be bad. Tristan didn't notice.  
  
"Yumi Yagi is leaving," Tristan said blithely.  
  
Seto turned slowly to look at Tristan. His eyes began to gleam dangerously.  
  
"Yumi Yagi?" He asked in an evil tone.  
  
"I mean, Yagi Yami," Tristan said, as Ryou Bakura entered.  
  
There was a shocked silence.  
  
"Much as I hate Yami Yugi," Seto said, stressing the Pharaoh's name, "I must admit I pity him. He has to constantly endure your idiocy."  
  
"Yo, dude, cool it!" Joey said, coming up behind Tristan.  
  
Ryou prudently restrained Seto. "Did you have a message, Tristan, or did you just come here for . general conversation?"  
  
Seto's eyes were glowing red. His Sennen Eye was clearly visible.  
  
"Anyway, the Pharaoh dude is leaving for the hospital to pick up Yami Bukara," Tristan said, "and he wanted to know if you were coming."  
  
Seto quickly reached up behind him and grabbed Ryou, holding him in place. Ryou was muttering, "Yami, I need you to kill someone for me. Just a special favor, please?"  
  
Enter Yami Yugi.  
  
"Seto, Ryou," Yami Yugi said sharply, noticing the evil look on Ryou's face, "come with me. Joey, Tristan, Téa, stay here."  
  
"Why can't I come?" Téa asked petulantly, emerging from her upstairs bedroom and leaning over the balcony.  
  
For the third time, a stunned silence descended.  
  
"What," Joey said finally, "are you wearing?"  
  
Téa looked down at the bikini. "Oh, I'm going to the beach. Could you drop me off, Yami?" She asked.  
  
"No. Coming, Seto, Ryou?" Yami walked toward the door, car keys in hand. (Incidentally, he had a large black car. Very, very black.)  
  
"But, Yaaaammmi!" Téa whined.  
  
Yami rolled his eyes at Seto, who grinned evilly. Ryou came up behind them and whispered in Yami's ear for a moment. The Pharaoh smiled and turned to Téa. "All right, come along, but you have to put on some more clothes," he added.  
  
"All right, I'll just take them off when I get there," she said, pulling on a T-shirt.  
  
"Not all of them, I hope," Seto said, smirking.  
  
"Seto!" Téa said in shock. Yami beckoned Seto and Ryou out to the car. Getting in the driver's seat, he turned on the car. The clock blinked the time: 10:57 AM.  
  
"I could drive," Seto offered. Yami gave him a withering look. "No way!"  
  
"Hey," Seto protested, "It's not my fault!"  
  
"I'm not letting either of you drive. Ryou drives at five miles an hour and you have almost as bad of a case of road rage as Yami Bakura does."  
  
Téa opened the car door. Apparently not satisfied with the T-shirt, she had changed into a normal shirt and a tight skirt. "Slightly better," Ryou said from the front seat - he insisted on sitting in the front instead of behind with Seto and Téa. He said it was because he wanted to look out the window. In reality, he just didn't want to be that close to Seto or Tea.  
  
Yami drove down to the nearby beach and waited while Téa got out. As she left, Seto called out a last question: "Who're you going with?"  
  
"Max," she said cheerfully, running down to the beach.  
  
Yami had been about to start the car again when he froze. He then exchanged meaningful glances with Ryou and Seto.  
  
"Please tell me," he said, "that I did not hear what I think I heard."  
  
Seto looked very odd. His eyes were shooting red sparks.  
  
"Calm down, you guys," Ryou said soothingly (being the only one in the car who did not have homicidal instincts). "Let's just go get my Yami, OK?"  
  
Yami took several deep breaths and headed for the hospital. When they arrived, Yami Bakura was leaning against the outside wall, glaring even more ferociously than usual.  
  
Ryou timidly peeked out of his slightly open door.  
  
"Hello, Yami Bakura," Seto said pleasantly, walking up to Yami Bakura.  
  
Yami Yugi got out of the car (leaving Ryou inside) and walked up beside Seto. "Yeah, come on, let's go."  
  
Yami Bakura faked a smile. It looked more like he was baring his teeth before he bit someone. Seto backed away. "I need to talk to you," Yami Bakura said with false cheerfulness, steering them toward the car. After a silent yet furious argument, Yami Yugi sat in the driver's seat, with Ryou next to him and Seto and Yami Bakura in the middle seat.  
  
"Was there something?" Yami asked Bakura.  
  
Bakura vehemently recited a long line of curses, which will not be repeated here. This document may fall into the hands of small children.  
  
"Yami," Ryou interrupted, doing puppy eyes (which not even Bakura could resist.)  
  
"Yes, Ryou? I'm kind of busy," Bakura said.  
  
"Téa is going out with Pegasus, did you know?"  
  
Bakura began to breathe very heavily. His eyes were glowing dangerously and his fingers twitched spastically.  
  
"Just calm down, Bakura," Seto said as Yami started the car. "We'll explain later."  
  
Still glaring, Bakura pulled on his seat belt and waited. "Well?"  
  
"They're at the beach," Yami reported.  
  
"Well, let's go home first. We'll give you some food - no sugar, though."  
  
Bakura smiled. "Actually, that was really fun. I had a reason to be even more sadistic than usual."  
  
Yami looked at him incredulously. "You mean you did that on purpose?!?"  
  
*  
  
Thanks for all reviews . and also thanks to my sister whose terrifyingly hyper reactions to sugar gave me inspiration to write this!  
  
THANK YOU! *bounces toward door* 


	4. Omelets

CHAPTER 4: OMELETS  
  
Yami pulled into their driveway and opened the door. Tristan and Joey were watching themselves on TV ("My hair is cooler!" "No! Mine!"). Yami went into the kitchen and pulled food out of the refrigerator. He had been chosen the natural leader of the group through process of elimination: Joey, Tristan and Téa were too annoying, Seto didn't really care, Yugi and Ryou were too timid and indecisive, and Bakura was too sadistic.  
  
"It highly amuses me to see the mighty Pharaoh making omelets for lunch," Bakura said from the kitchen doorway.  
  
"Great to see you too, Bakura," Yami said without turning around. He absently added a little salt to the omelet.  
  
"Don't be sarcastic. You're too nice for it." Bakura made a grab for the first omelet on a plate. Yami snatched it and held it above his head, out of the shorter Bakura's reach.  
  
"If you're going to insult my omelet-making," Yami said, shaking some pepper into the pan, "then you don't get one."  
  
Bakura glared.  
  
"So," he said, changing the subject and waiting for the next chance to raid the stove (he was a tomb raider, after all), "What should we do about Pegasus and Téa?"  
  
Yami handed the omelet to Seto (who had just entered) with a pointed look at Bakura. "Why don't you let them stay together? It would get rid of Téa, and that way we won't have to throw her off a cliff like we'd end up doing eventually."  
  
"Good point," Seto said. "Why don't we buy them a one-way ticket to Australia or someplace?"  
  
"OK, that's fine," Yami said, handing an omelet on a plate to Bakura, "but you can pay for it. I paid for the car." Yami put another omelet on a plate and handed it to Ryou, who had just entered.  
  
"Thanks, Yami," Ryou said. "Oh, watch out for Mokuba."  
  
Bakura was adding chili powder to his omelet. "Mokuba?"  
  
Ryou grinned. "Yes, he's been practicing puppy eyes. Here they come now," he added, pointing toward Yugi and Mokuba, who had just arrived.  
  
"We are going to use up all the eggs in the country at this rate," Yami said as he handed a plate to Yugi.  
  
"Can I have one?" Mokuba asked, doing puppy eyes.  
  
"I thought you weren't going to do that," Seto said in annoyance.  
  
Mokuba laughed and took the next omelet coming off the stove. After some discussion, they decided not to feed Joey and Tristan dog food. Dry cereal would suffice.  
  
Yami made a last omelet and turned the stove off. They went outside and sat down. Joey and Tristan called from inside, "Hey, where's ours?"  
  
"Look in the garden," Seto said with a grin. Yami smiled evilly.  
  
"Um, OK, dude," Joey said as the two guys walked into the garden.  
  
Moments later, they left shrieking, followed by very large wasps.  
  
"Nice one, Seto," Bakura said. "I knew putting those there was a good idea."  
  
Ryou looked shocked.  
  
"Ryou," Bakura lectured, "It is always good to do evil things like this once in a while. It maintains the evil image, you see."  
  
Seto and Yami grinned and watched Joey and Tristan run yelling around the yard.  
  
"Um, Seto," Yami said, "Who's going to do the gardening?"  
  
"They are," Seto said, gesturing vaguely with one hand toward the running Joey and Tristan.  
  
Yami stood up. "I'd better get some shopping done. We don't have any eggs left."  
  
"I'll come," Seto offered, standing. "I might keep you out of trouble - although, on second thought."  
  
Yami gave him a look and walked toward the car.  
  
"Wait for me," Ryou said, running over. "Anything to be away from them," he added in a lower voice, pointing at Joey and Tristan.  
  
"I'll stay here," Bakura said. "Someone has to keep an eye on the dogs."  
  
Seto grinned.  
  
The three set out for the grocery store.  
  
Alas, they had no idea of the fate that awaited them. 


	5. Shopping

CHAPTER FIVE: SHOPPING  
  
"Get a cart, Seto," Yami instructed, looking down his grocery list.  
  
"What's a cart?"  
  
"Those things," Yami said, pointing toward the shopping carts. With much difficulty, Seto managed to get a cart. Ryou looked at the baby seat.  
  
"Ooh, can I ride in there?"  
  
Yami grabbed a pack of chips off a shelf as they went by. "Sure."  
  
Seto picked up Ryou and put him in the cart. Ryou instantly reverted to chibi mode.  
  
"He looks like he's three years old," Seto muttered to Yami as he went off to fetch eggs and more chili powder for Bakura. Yami rolled down another aisle and got huge amounts of plastic cups, plates and utensils. "What's all that for?" Seto asked, putting six cartons of eggs and three bottles of chili powder in the cart.  
  
"No dishes," Yami explained.  
  
"Yami, why are you getting so much?" Seto asked, following Yami's directions and snatched about ten packs of hot dogs off a shelf.  
  
Yami put the hot dogs on top of the raw chicken and steak. "So I do not have to come here for another month or so."  
  
"Ah, I knew there was a reason," Seto said. A store attendant passed by then stopped as she saw Ryou. "Aww, he's so cute! Do you need any help?" She asked Seto and Yami.  
  
"Uh, no thanks," Yami said quickly, stepping on Seto's foot.  
  
"OK. Hello, cutie! Do you want some candy?" The attendant ran into a nearby aisle and came out with several mixed packs of candy. She stuck "paid for" labels on them and gave one to Ryou. "Here you go, baby! Hmm, actually, why don't you take all of these?" She thrust the roll of "paid for" stickers at Seto and then hurried off.  
  
Ryou looked down at the candy. "If you stick one of those labels on each thing, you won't have to pay for anything," he remarked.  
  
Seto and Yami nodded, grinning. "Well, let's get to work."  
  
Ducking into a relatively quiet aisle (low-fat prune juice and lime cranberry pop tarts) they began to stick the labels on each piece of merchandise. When they were done, they still had about half of a roll left. Yami, Ryou and Seto, each smiling rather evilly, stocked up on jams, soft drinks, chips, raw steak, chicken and pork (to be frozen), barbecue sauce, plates, cups, utensils, and anything else they could lay their hands on. It was a rather productive trip.  
  
When the roll of labels had been used up, Yami easily rolled the cart toward the door. A store employee stopped them. "Hey! Where'd you get all those labels?"  
  
"Hi-hi," Ryou said, unleashing all adorability on the store guy.  
  
"All right," the employee said, "Go on, just make sure no one sees you!"  
  
Yami hurriedly pushed the cart toward the exit. "Bye-bye," Ryou said, waving.  
  
As they left the store, Yami and Seto heard the by then familiar "he's so cuuuute!" trailing behind.  
  
"Ryou," Seto said, lifting the chibified Ryou out of the cart, "We owe you about a thousand dollars for all this stuff."  
  
Chibi-Ryou grinned and unchibified. "I'll have my Yami collect for me."  
  
Yami winced and began to load groceries into the back of the car. "If you don't help, I don't cook," he reminded them.  
  
"We could do it," Seto protested as they got in the car.  
  
"Ra help us, you'd burn down the house."  
  
"Takeout food every day, then?" Ryou suggested. "Seto's a billionaire. He can pay for it."  
  
Seto glared.  
  
Yami smirked and turned onto the highway.  
  
"Yami?" Seto asked curiously, eating a bag of Dorito chips that he had stuck a "paid" label on earlier.  
  
"Yes?" Yami asked, absently reaching behind him and stealing the chips.  
  
"Hey! Those are mine!" Seto protested.  
  
"No, actually they're mine," said a scratchy, squeaky, nasty, hissing, clicky, and rumbling voice from the backseat.  
  
Ryou was in the front seat. The next moment, he chibified and rolled into a ball, shrieking in terror.  
  
"Hello, Evil Platypus," Yami said calmly, pulling into the driveway.  
  
"Hello. I've come on behalf of."  
  
"Yami Malik. Yes, I know." Yami opened the door and got out, giving an "if-you-say-a-single-word-I-will-rip-your-brains-out" look to Seto. Yami opened Ryou's door. Unfortunately, he was still rolled into a ball and rolled out of the car, and then began spontaneously rolling down the driveway.  
  
"Seto, go get him," Yami said.  
  
Seto ran after the rapidly rolling Ryou and soon caught him. He then began shooting at the basketball hoop with him.  
  
"Hey - OW! - Seto! - STOP IT! - Ow!"  
  
"Be nice, Seto," Yami chided, then turned back to the platypus.  
  
"Yami Malik wants to speak with one of you," the platypus said. "He feels lonely and unloved."  
  
"Riiiiight," said Yami, feeling very disturbed. "Um," he added helpfully.  
  
"Hi, guys!" Téa said, waving as she walked up the driveway.  
  
"Um, Téa, you're going out with Pegasus, right?" asked Yami, a very evil Yami plan forming in his mind.  
  
"Well, yeah."  
  
"Well there's this really cool Tomb Raider guy who wants to meet you."  
  
"Really?" Téa looked interested.  
  
"Yeah, this is his guy here. You want to go meet him?"  
  
Seto stood behind making strangling noises. Ryou's hair had caught in the basketball hoop and he was suspended about 15 feet off the ground.  
  
"Sure!" Téa said, smoothing her very tight shirt.  
  
"Evil Platypus, would you bring Téa to meet . Yami Malik?" Seto said, finally catching on.  
  
"Certainly," said the evilly smirking Evil Platypus.  
  
The two of them vanished.  
  
"Well, that's got her out of the way," Seto commented.  
  
Yami nodded, then suddenly realized what Seto had done to Ryou.  
  
With some help from several rubber bands, a nearby tree, and Seto/slingshot, Ryou was removed from the basketball hoop.  
  
Yami Bakura stood on the porch. "What were you doing to my Hikari?" he asked Seto in an *extremely* evil and sadistic voice.  
  
"We were just playing," Seto said quickly, stepping on Ryou's foot and muttering "say it or die" in Ryou's ear.  
  
"Um, yeah," Ryou said lamely, hopping on one foot and clutching the injured one.  
  
"Hn," said the unconvinced Bakura. His eyes narrowed.  
  
"Hey, guess what, Bakura? Good news!" Yami turned off the car and tugged Seto and Ryou toward the house.  
  
"What?" Bakura's eyes glowed red. "You're going to let me kill people?"  
  
"No!" Yami and Seto said in unison. "Téa is going to be with Yami Malik for a while now!" Yami continued.  
  
"Ah, good," Bakura said, still looking slightly disappointed. "I feel sorry for Malik, though." 


	6. Improvised Duels

CHAPTER SIX: IMPROVISED DUELS  
  
"Hey, Seto," Yami called as he began making chocolate milkshakes. Seto arrived just as Yami Yugi poured the chocolate mixture into several tall glasses. Seto grabbed one and said, "What?"  
  
"CHOCOLATE!" Said Ryou, zooming into the kitchen and bouncing up and down. "Can * bounce* I *bounce* have *bounce* one? *bounce*"  
  
"Yeah, just stop bouncing. You're making the floor shake," Yami observed, handing Ryou a milkshake and taking his own. "Anyway, Seto, do you want to duel or something? I'm really bored."  
  
"Yeah," Seto said gloomily. "Joey and Tristan are using the TV, Téa's still out with Malik, Mokuba and Ryou are having a chibifying contest, Bakura's using Karibou as basketballs outside and Yugi's polishing his Millennium Puzzle."  
  
"Again?" They sat down on the infamous couch.  
  
"Yeah. I would duel you, gladly, but I don't think it's a good idea to unleash Duel Monsters here, if you know what I mean." Seto looked around at the house. "I mean, the Dark Magician's an exception, sort of."  
  
Yami nodded his agreement. "I wonder."  
  
"Hey, Yami," Seto said, running upstairs, "I have an idea."  
  
"Oh no," Yami muttered under his breath.  
  
Seto returned. "Here they are!" He triumphantly held up . a pack of playing cards.  
  
"Playing cards?" Yami asked in disbelief.  
  
"Yes," Seto said excitedly. "I have this book of games, you see. It won't be as good as dueling, but it'll be fun. And I will still be able to beat you," he added, belatedly remembering they were supposed to hate each other.  
  
"Yeah, right. Let's get some others first, though. Mokuba! Ryou!" Yami called, as Seto ran outside to fetch Bakura. "Wanna play cards?"  
  
Within moments, Yugi, Seto, Yami, Bakura, Ryou, and Mokuba were gathered in a circle around the living room table. Seto was lying down on the couch. Yugi was sitting on the floor with his head against Seto's feet. Bakura was in a chair, using Yugi as a footrest. Ryou was sitting snuggled up against Bakura's chair. (Apparently the chibi effect had not entirely worn off.) Mokuba was lying down on the floor, his head propped up on Yami's feet. Yami was sitting in a large, comfy chair near Ryou (everyone wanted to be near the chibified Ryou. He was like a very large, adorable animated plushie.)  
  
"We are going to play ." Yami paused for dramatic effect. (Well, not really. He was just flipping through the book for something that would appeal to everyone in the group.) ".Rummy!"  
  
There was silence.  
  
"Two games, probably," Yami said, digging another deck of cards out of a pocket. "Nice people and mean people. OK, that's Yugi, Mokuba, and Ryou in one group and Bakura, Seto and I in this group."  
  
Yugi, Mokuba and Ryou moved off to another side of the room and began to play.  
  
"Now," Seto said quietly, "for some incentive.why don't we bet things?"  
  
"Good idea!" Bakura said. They each ran upstairs to find a trinket they would bet. Seto returned with a little robot (deprived of batteries). Bakura had a small vial of blood ("It's Tristan's!" he said proudly). Yami Yugi, preferring to keep his trinkets, had taken a miniature bottle of hairspray from Téa's bathroom. "It's Téa's," he said quickly as the others looked at him with odd expressions.  
  
So their game of Rummy 2000 began. The first round was won by Yami Yugi. He wrote the points down and collected the trinkets, deciding to bet Tristan's blood. New trinkets were laid down; the blood that Yami was betting again, Seto's clothespin (he couldn't find anything else) and another bottle of blood from Bakura, labeled "Mokuba". That round was won by Bakura, who of course cheated outrageously. He regained his bottles of blood (although Seto tried to kill him when he saw the vial of Mokuba's blood) and the worthless clothespin.  
  
Yami Yugi reached 2000 points first. By that time, Bakura had brought down a little shelf to hold bottles. Shelves like it were normally used for scientific purposes. Bakura, however, stored vial after vial of blood. There were labels on the bottles - "Joey", "Seto", and even "Yami Yugi". In the end, Bakura regained all his bottles - probably because no one else wanted them.  
  
Seto ended up with a clothespin, the robot, a battery, half of a headphone, a dog biscuit, several scales from the Blue Eyes White Dragon, and a small instruction manual: "So You Want To Be A Tomb Raider".  
  
Yami's trinkets were far more valuable; a lump of solid gold, a sterling silver ring with skulls engraved on it, a Buckle Replacing Kit, and a book called "Be Yami: The Real Dark".  
  
The bottle of hairspray was put in the garbage.  
  
"Bakura?" Yami asked as he thought of something.  
  
"Yes?" Bakura had carefully stabbed Ryou's arm with a broken-off piece of Mokuba's hair and was holding up a vial to the cut. Ryou was whimpering.  
  
"That's sick!" Yami shoved Bakura off Ryou and gave him to Seto, who quickly carried him upstairs and into the poor guy's room.  
  
Bakura sulked. "I only got half a bottle."  
  
Yami had a strong urge to knock the vial from his hand. However, he knew that if he did so, he would have to clean it up and he did not like the idea of cleaning up Ryou's blood. Therefore, he did not attack Bakura. "What I was going to say," he said with heavy emphasis, "is that I was wondering how you got my blood." He pointed toward the rack of blood bottles.  
  
"Remember the time I stabbed you with Mokuba's hair?"  
  
~~~~  
  
Hee hee, this chapter was fun to write!! OK, just a warning: this may have a Fushigi-Yuugi crossover later on . and some slash, but that's because I HATE all the anime girls.  
  
Thanks for all reviews!!! Also thanks to my sister . who is not my twin . 


	7. Room Checks

CHAPTER SEVEN: ROOM CHECKS  
  
When the nine Yu-Gi-Oh! characters had decided to buy a house, Yami had made a rule that they could do whatever they wanted to their rooms, so long as they didn't permanently damage the house. He wanted to see if his prohibition had been obeyed, so he decided to look in Téa's room first.  
  
Téa was still out with Malik, Seto was downstairs watching television and the others had gone outside to play some sort of game.  
  
Téa's room was covered in Pegasus posters. Although this annoyed Yami, what was far more disturbing was the bright red lipstick marks all over Pegasus' face. He also looked in the closet, which was filled with shirts that had logos such as "Angel", "Butterfly" and "Peace".  
  
"What are you doing?" Seto stood in the doorway.  
  
"Seeing if anyone is destroying out house," Yami said with a glare.  
  
"Good luck," Seto replied and went over to the clock, pulling it off the wall. "This clock's dead."  
  
Yami shrugged and walked over to Seto. "Hey, look at this."  
  
A piece of white paper was taped over the wall where the clock had been. Yami ripped off the paper and looked inside. There was a small hollow in the wall full of letters.  
  
Yami's eyes were glinting dangerously.  
  
"Calm down Yami," Seto said, reaching in and pulling out the letters. The two of them sat down on Téa's bed (blue with clouds on it) and Seto began to read the letter on top of the stack.  
  
"08/16/99 Dear Téa," he began, "I broke up with Cecilia like you told me to. She threw very hot coffee in my face. I am now covered in burns. She also put my hair through a paper shredder. Please tell me if Yami Bakura mentions anything about me. I think he wants my Millennium Eye. I wonder if he has any of my blood in his collection . but I digress. Téa, my beautiful darling, I am desolate without your company. I mourn the loss of seeing you every day, and I live in anticipation of our next meeting. Love, Max."  
  
"Seto," Yami began, his eyes shooting little lightning sparks and roasting small objects in Téa's room.  
  
"This is old." Seto looked at the date.  
  
"I wonder if his hair has grown back yet?" Yami asked with a malicious smirk.  
  
"These are all from Pegasus," Seto said, looking at the letters. "I wonder if there's a return address. Maybe we could-" Seto paused.  
  
"Absolutely not! Well, now that we know Téa's drilled a hole in the wall, let's go look at Joey's room."  
  
Joey's room was covered in posters of . . . Joey. Yami was partially glad of that. At least there were no posters of Seto.  
  
After no surprises in the rooms of Joey and Tristan, Yami walked down the hall to Seto's room. "Seto," Yami said.  
  
"I didn't do anything to it!!"  
  
"OK, OK. I think we can skip Mokuba and Ryou, don't you?"  
  
Seto nodded. "Bakura . . ."  
  
"I guess we'd better check," Yami said with a sigh.  
  
Bakura's room was very dark, because he had put pieces of wood cut to the size of the windows in the window outcroppings. He had also ripped out all the light bulbs. Several red lights periodically lit up in different parts of the room. Maniacal laughter was heard from the speakers Bakura had installed whenever someone opened the door, and once they got halfway into the room, things dropped down from the ceiling in front of them - such as four inch spiders lit up with purple lights on their legs.  
  
"I guess Bakura has a way to turn this off," Seto muttered. "I don't have any idea how, though."  
  
"Yeah," Yami said. He was going to walk further into the room, but a large cobweb that spanned from wall to wall dropped in front of him that was impossible to rip. He turned around and prepared to walk back, but another cobweb fell in front of him.  
  
Seto was muttering curses.  
  
"What," Bakura inquired from the doorway, "Are you doing in my room?"  
  
~~  
  
Mitsumi, JR, yugifan1516, Kiki Demon, Kyreason, SomeIdiot, Bakura, Tasha and Kirbypuff (times 3!!!!) - THANK YOU!!! Naturally, thanks to . you know who you are . my NOT-twin . 


	8. The Wrath Of Bakura

CHAPTER EIGHT: THE WRATH OF BAKURA  
  
"Uh," Seto and Yami said simultaneously.  
  
"We were just leaving," Seto said weakly.  
  
"Splendid," Bakura said nastily. He raised a small black object in his hand. Yami realized that it was some kind of remote control. With one button, Bakura turned off the flashing red lights; another turned on normal, yellow room light (although Yami couldn't see where it was coming from). A third button raised the thick, net-like cobwebs that had trapped Yami and Seto. Seto, naturally, made a break for the door, despite the fact that Bakura stood in front of it.  
  
A small white object leaped from the closet and attached itself to Seto's leg. Seto yelped in pain and hopped around on one foot while trying to destroy the white . rabbit.  
  
"Come here, Foo-Foo," Bakura said. The little bunny bounced over to Bakura, a picture of sweetness. Bakura picked it up and snuggled it. The bunny bared bloody fangs at Seto.  
  
"That thing's a danger to society," Seto muttered, limping.  
  
Bakura smirked. "Explanations, please."  
  
"We, um, wanted to see if you were messing up your room," Yami said. It sounded stupid even as he said it.  
  
"I see," Bakura said, smiling in an extremely sadistic way. "And do you think I am?"  
  
"Well, uh, yeah," Seto said nervously. "I mean, you did put rolling tracks in the ceiling, and all that."  
  
Bakura was still smiling. It reminded Yami of a wolf's smile right before the wolf bites.  
  
"I have an idea," Bakura said with an evil grin.  
  
*  
  
"I can't believe he's making us repair his room!" Seto said in anger as he balanced precariously on a stepladder, gluing wood over the tracks in the ceiling.  
  
"I don't think that's very permanent," Yami said critically. He was putting carpet down on the floor in tiles. (Carpet tiles are like 8 inches square, and they have paper on the back that you peel off. Then you just stick the tile on the floor.)  
  
"Who cares?" Seto asked. He was interrupted by Bakura entering, preceded by the bunny. Its claws squeaked on the uncovered wood floor. The shrieking sound made Seto jump and fall backward off the ladder, knocking over a pile of tiles. His foot flew out and hit the ladder, which fell on top of him.  
  
Bakura leaned against the door, laughing. Seto gave him a death glare and stood up, gathering the remains of his tattered dignity.  
  
Bakura laughed harder. Then he opened the closet, revealing a television. He checked the tape in it, and then hit the "play" button. Seto watched in growing chagrin as the television replayed Seto's embarrassing fall moments earlier.  
  
Yami grinned, putting another tile on the floor. He then managed to accidentally stick Bakura's foot onto the floor by sticking a corner of the tile to Bakura's boot. Bakura, naturally, had his foot stuck, since those tiles were very sticky. Shrieking curses at Yami in Egyptian (Ryou bolted) Bakura had his rabbit chew through the tile. Unfortunately, the tatter of tile still stuck to Bakura's boot.  
  
"Did your camera get that, too?" Seto asked. Ryou reappeared at the door, tapping Bakura on the shoulder before he could kill Seto. "Yes, Ryou?" Bakura said in a nice tone as he turned around. It is always wise to stay on the good side of one capable of puppy eyes.  
  
"Will you come make me brownies?"  
  
"Why in Ra's name would I make you brownies?"  
  
"You promised," Ryou said, unleashing the full power of puppy eyes.  
  
Bakura glared, but his heart simply wasn't in it. "All right," he gave in.  
  
"Thank you, Baku-Chan!" Ryou said, bouncing up and down and huggling Foo-Foo.  
  
"You two," Bakura said, once more assuming his evil expression and turning to Yami and Seto, "come along. You can wash dishes."  
  
Several minutes later, Ryou was ensconced in a kitchen chair eating ice cream while he waited for the brownies to finish baking. They actually looked pretty good, probably because at Bakura's incompetence at cooking Ryou had decided to let Yami cook. Poor Seto was still washing dishes.  
  
"Yami," Ryou said, bouncing up and down in his chair happily.  
  
"Yes?" Yami asked, professionally pulling a pan of brownies out of the stove and checking it with a toothpick. Looking at the globs of chocolate on the toothpick, Yami shook his head and put the brownies back in the oven.  
  
"What's for dinner?" Ryou asked through a mouthful of Phish Food.  
  
"I dunno, what do you think?" Yami poured some M&Ms on top of the chocolate chip brownies.  
  
"Well, we have that steak you froze, right?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And we have potatoes, and chocolate chunks, right?"  
  
"Ryou! Not again!"  
  
"What?" Seto looked up from scrubbing a pan.  
  
"Steak with mashed potatoes and chocolate cake," Ryou and Yami said in unison. "Ryou, we had that last week! And the week before!" Yami said in distress. (The store did not, after all, have an unlimited supply of hanger steak.)  
  
"I think it's a good idea," Bakura said, poking his head in. "My bunny wants some more of that steak."  
  
The three of them turned to look at Bakura in shock. Bakura looked at them curiously, not knowing what was wrong.  
  
"Aren't bunnies supposed to be vegetarians?" Seto asked finally. 


	9. Population Control

CHAPTER NINE: POPULATION CONTROL  
  
"Seto! Yami! Bakura!" Tea ran into the room, followed by Tristan and Joey.  
  
"Yeah?" Yami said warily, putting the fresh brownies on a huge platter and placing them on a very high shelf in order to be out of reach.  
  
"We're going on a year-long vacation in Florida. I'm going with Tristan and Mai's going with Joey," Tea said.  
  
"OK, fine, shoo," Yami said, flipping a hand negligently.  
  
"Um, we're leaving next week."  
  
"Why don't you go the airport now and see if you can get an earlier flight?" Seto said quickly, crossing his fingers. "And take Yugi and Mokuba with you."  
  
"Aww, that's so sweet!" Tea said. "Sure, we will!"  
  
As the trio left, Yami heard Tea ask, "Hey, Yugi, wanna go to Florida for a year?"  
  
"Sure!"  
  
"Well, that's got them out of the way," Bakura said, leaning against a counter and waiting for an opportunity to steal the brownies. Yami resorted to the only workable "protect the brownies" technique.  
  
"Bakura," Yami said reproachfully, putting five brownies on a plate and handing it to Ryou, "you wouldn't really want to eat Ryou's brownies, would you?"  
  
"No," Bakura said with a sigh of disappointment, "I guess not."  
  
Ryou patted Bakura on the head. "You can have one," he said, handing Bakura a brownie.  
  
"Someone go get the steak from the freezer," Yami ordered, peeling potatoes for mashed potatoes.  
  
"You do it," Seto said to Bakura.  
  
"You do it."  
  
"You do it."  
  
"You do it."  
  
"You do it."  
  
"You do it." Bakura gave him such an evil glare that Seto hurried toward the freezer. Bakura seemed to be particularly nasty to Seto. Of course, he would probably do that to Yami, too, were it not for the fact that Yami cooked the food.  
  
"Bakura," Yami added without turning around, "Go get some of those huge bars of chocolate from the pantry. No, you cannot eat them. Get this stuff too," he said, handing Bakura a list of ingredients for the whipped cream in the chocolate cake.  
  
"I don't know where any of this stuff is!"  
  
"Find it, then," Yami said with inescapable logic.  
  
Ryou was grinning. "Ryou," Yami said critically, "If you normally eat this much, you're going to start looking like a bouncy ball."  
  
"I'll exercise tonight and watch the episode of us on," Ryou promised.  
  
"OK . which one is it?" Yami took the steak from Seto with one hand and the huge heap of chocolate and different bottles from Bakura in the other, setting both stacks of food carefully down on the counter.  
  
"The one where the dice dude makes Joey dress up as a dog," Ryou giggled.  
  
Yami rolled his eyes, chopping potatoes and asking Seto to break up the chocolate. Because of the fact that Ryou had suggested the food choice, they were all being very careful not to mess up anything. In a shocking display of self-control, Bakura didn't even eat any of the chocolate.  
  
At around five-thirty, the cake was taken out of the oven and put in the freezer. Yami had been cooking all afternoon. The others had been hanging around, interfering with Yami's kitchen and being a general nuisance.  
  
"I thought we were going to eat it!" Bakura said in dismay when the cake went in the freezer.  
  
"Oh, we are . but I made one yesterday, so we'll eat that one. They have to be frozen for about twenty-four hours," Yami explained. He then took the delicious-looking bowl of mashed potatoes out of the stove and onto the table. Yami proceeded to take the marinated steaks and grill them. Once that was done (Seto was forced to scrape the grill off), he put it all on the table and proclaimed dinner ready to eat.  
  
Ryou bounced out of his chair and hugged Yami. "Thank you!"  
  
Annoyed that Ryou was paying attention to someone other than him, Bakura said, "Isn't it time to walk Foo-Foo?"  
  
"No, I already took him out this morning," Ryou reported. "He's in his cage."  
  
"Good. Did he eat?"  
  
"Only the neighbor's Chihuahua."  
  
Hee hee! I'm actually writing chapter 21 at the moment, and I forgot that this chapter existed . but now I remember! Yay!  
  
I LOVE YOU KIRBYPUFF! *huggles Kirbypuff* Thanks for reviews!!  
  
*smirk* Also thank to . well anyway you know who you are - the only person besides me who is insane, sadistic, obsessed, and crazy enough to want to help with this story. 


	10. Bakura and the Chihuahua

CHAPTER TEN: BAKURA AND THE CHIHUAHUA  
  
There was a knock on the door. Seto and Yami were at work. Bakura, being unemployed, was the only one home. Seto was working with computers and Yami designed electronic games. Ryou, being the youngest, went to high school.  
  
Bakura opened the door to be facing a very upset old lady. "Hello, dear, I live next door," she said. "Have you seen my dear brown Chihuahua dog, Fluffy? I simply can't find him."  
  
The lady broke down into tears. Bakura, naturally unsure what to do, said "Um, no, we haven't . maybe look at the dog pound."  
  
When the lady left, Bakura closed the door, muttering curses and reaching for the phone. When Yami picked up the phone at work, all he heard was a string of vile curses in an all-too-familiar voice.  
  
"Bakura?" Yami said incredulously.  
  
"Yeah, it's me. Some old lady came over here looking for her Chihuahua."  
  
"So?"  
  
"I think Foo-Foo ate it."  
  
"Oops. Well, go buy a new one." Yami was understandably preoccupied. Actually he was answering mail - namely complaints from fangirls that the new Lord of the Rings Playstation game didn't make Legolas sexy enough. The company he worked at, you see, had produced the game and his manager had given Yami the singularly unpleasant task of answering complaints.  
  
"Um, are you saying that I should go to a dog store, buy a new brown rat for that pathetic lady and give it to her?"  
  
"Approximately, yes."  
  
"You're nuts!"  
  
"I know. Speaking of nuts, we're out of almonds. Could you pick up some on your way to the dog store?" Yami tapped his pen against his computer impatiently.  
  
Bakura rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine . I don't have a car you know."  
  
"Well go buy one."  
  
"I don't have any money you ******* Pharaoh!"  
  
Yami shrugged. "Oh, well, my car's here anyway, so you can't use it. Why not walk? It's only like a mile."  
  
"I can't believe I'm doing this," Bakura said by way of farewell and hung up.  
  
Yami sighed and returned to the problem at hand: explaining to a vehement fangirl why the company had to always show Legolas fully clothed.  
  
*  
  
Bakura was walking into town, in an especially bad mood. There were several reasons. The primary one was that he was spending his nice day going to buy a brown rat. Attempting to get the Blue-Eyes to fly him, he had only had his hand burned. When he went looking for the Dark Magician to help him, Bakura mistook him for a wall and then stubbed his foot on the Dark Magician as he walked past. Bakura had several broken toes. Finally, when getting dressed, he had entangled himself in one of his spider webs by mistake and had fallen into the dresser, causing the jar of Mokuba's spikes to fall and break open. The spikes had stabbed Bakura in numerous places too painful to mention.  
  
Bakura had snitched several hundred dollars from Seto's room to pay for the dog. Stopping for the almonds, he was confronted with a dilemma: Should he buy raw, imported, home-grown or halved almonds? He finally bought all four kinds and went onto the pet store, carrying a very heavy bag filled with almonds. The pet store, it turned out, did indeed sell brown Chihuahuas. This made Bakura slightly happier - at last, something was going right. Unfortunately, the only male brown Chihuahua they had was having anger problems. It was chewing at the bars of its cage. Its water bowl lay on the cage floor in pieces and its mouth was dripping foam. Ooh, that doesn't look good, Bakura thought with a frown as he stopped in front of the Chihuahua. Oh well, it'll have to do.  
  
When he bought the Chihuahua, the store owner was so glad to be rid of it that he sold it for ten dollars and also threw in a 100 pack of calming pills. "Give him one a week," the store owner advised, "and he won't be so bad."  
  
"That's a relief," Bakura muttered, pocketing his extra five hundred dollars and leaving the store, almonds in one hand and Chihuahua in the other. The Chihuahua did calm down, apparently realizing that it was definitely outclassed in the evil fit front by Bakura. After the walk back, Bakura knocked on the old lady's door. "Oh, hello," she said. "My dog was at the pound, isn't that wonderful? Oh, who's this? You brought me a new dog! Oh, how nice! Thank you!"  
  
"Uhh, you're welcome," Bakura said, feeling sick. "Here's some pills you're supposed to feed him every week.bye," and practically ran down the driveway.  
  
"Goodbye, dearie!" The lady called after him.  
  
Muttering nasty things under his breath in Egyptian, he ran inside and called Yami. "What now?" Yami said in annoyance, picking up the phone. He had finally finished with the Legolas mail, only to be confronted by another intimidating stack of letters . about Aragorn.  
  
"I got the Chihuahua and your almonds, and I feel like killing someone."  
  
".so?"  
  
"Yami!"  
  
"Look, I'm kind of busy. Why don't you go get takeout with the leftover money?"  
  
"I don't have a car!"  
  
"Look, I get off work in like half an hour. Go call in an order to that Thai restaurant and I'll go pick it up on my way back. Don't get in trouble or do anything bad."  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Yes, you. Now I need to go back to the task my evil manager has set me: answering Aragorn and Legolas fanmail, a mode of cruel and unusual punishment. Bye."  
  
Yami hung up.  
  
"I have about five hundred dollars left from the rat," Bakura mused. "I wonder how much food you can get with five hundred dollars."  
  
You have nooooooo idea how much fun this was to write! I LOVE making fun of Bakura . he reacts so beautifully!!!!  
  
If anyone wants a cameo, you can review and tell me or IM me at EarthEnder (on AOL Instant Messenger).  
  
Thanks for all reviews!!! 


	11. Party Preparations

CHAPTER ELEVEN: PARTY PREPERATIONS  
  
"Umm, I'm here for some takeout," Yami said.  
  
"OK, there's seventeen bags . do you want some help loading them into your car?"  
  
"Seventeen bags?"  
  
"Yes . it comes to a total of $499.99."  
  
Grumbling, Yami paid the store manager and then managed to load all the bags into his car, using the back and all rows of seats. When he got back to his house, Ryou, Seto and Bakura were all there already.  
  
"Where's the food?" Seto said by way of greeting.  
  
"In the back. Get everyone out here to help unload." Yami grabbed four bags from the front seat and then went into the house. "Bakura!" He shouted, putting the bags on the table.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Why in Ra's name did you get five hundred dollar's worth of food?"  
  
"Oh. Well," he said by way of explanation, "I had all this extra money."  
  
"I see. Are you going to pay me back now?"  
  
"Well-"  
  
Yami rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. "Bakura." he said dangerously.  
  
"OK, OK." Bakura dug into his pocket and handed Yami the five hundred dollars. "But it was only $499.99, so you owe me a penny."  
  
Yami searched half the house and finally had to borrow a penny from Seto (at an interest rate of 3 cents per month).  
  
"Bakura," Seto asked suspiciously, "Where did you get that money?"  
  
"Uhh, I think the steak is getting cold!" Bakura dashed toward a bag.  
  
After they had eaten dinner, Yami, Bakura, Ryou and Seto adjourned to the living room. Bakura was polishing one of his knives, Seto was working on his fancy laptop, Ryou was doing homework and Yami was reading.  
  
"Bakura," Ryou began.  
  
"Oh no," Seto muttered quietly so only Yami could hear.  
  
"You do know that next Saturday is my birthday, don't you?"  
  
"Wonderful," Bakura muttered, absently stabbing Seto's arm with the knife. Seto yelped and clutched his arm, from which oozed about half a drop of blood. "I didn't do it hard enough, I think," Bakura said clinically, wiping the blood off the tip of his dagger.  
  
Seto glared.  
  
"Anyway," Yami interrupted before things got nasty, "What were you saying about your birthday, Ryou?"  
  
"Can I ask a friend over so we can watch movies or something, and then you make dinner?" He asked, finishing an incredibly complicated chemistry homework sheet.  
  
"A friend?" Seto said skeptically, modifying a picture of his Blue- Eyes on the computer.  
  
Ryou nodded. "Raven. He goes to school with me."  
  
"Is he gay?" Bakura asked, setting aside the knife and taking another one from his boot.  
  
"Bakura!"  
  
"Well, is he?"  
  
"He's bi." Ryou glared.  
  
"Is that so?"  
  
"Yami Bakura, I am going to take one of your beautifully polished knives and shove it through if you continue asking idiotic questions. Is that *normally* the first question you ask about someone?"  
  
Yami looked at him with one raised eyebrow. Ryou looked faintly embarrassed.  
  
"Your cub's growing teeth, Bakura," Seto said, looking up from his picture of the Blue-Eyes.  
  
Bakura glared.  
  
"OK, fine, bring this Sparrow-"  
  
"Raven," Ryou corrected.  
  
"Whatever. Anyway, he can come over and I'll make dinner. What do you want?"  
  
"You know what I'm going to say, don't you?"  
  
Yami rolled his eyes in an expressive "Why me?"  
  
"I think we ran out of steak last week." Bakura was carefully rubbing oil into the handle of a knife.  
  
"Well I have to go shopping anyway, now that Ryou here wants to have a birthday party we are going to be forced to get him presents because he will chibify if we don't - and probably even if we do."  
  
"Pleeeease, Yami? I lovvvvvvve you," Ryou said, making his most adorable puppy eyes possible.  
  
"Hey," Bakura complained, "Don't do that."  
  
"Jealous, Bakura?" Seto said slyly, tapping a few keys on his computer.  
  
"There's something else, too," Ryou added to head off any impending argument. "The holidays are soon so should we celebrate Chanukah, Christmas or what?"  
  
Bakura looked up eagerly. "Hey, what about National Tomb Raider day?"  
  
"No!" The other three said in unison.  
  
"Hey, how about we each pick a holiday?" Yami, naturally, was the one to suggest peace.  
  
"National Tomb Raider Day," Bakura said stubbornly.  
  
"Christmas," Seto chipped in.  
  
"Whatever," Yami said with a shrug.  
  
"To save time," Ryou said, "Why not both?"  
  
"OK, I guess," Seto said dubiously, "But then we skip Thanksgiving. It's next week."  
  
"That's fine," Ryou said confidently. "Now, Yami, Christmas's next, so what we have to do is."  
  
Bakura and Seto automatically tuned out the conversation and went back to polishing knives and downloading pictures of the Blue-Eyes White Dragon.  
  
Yami-Akasha, you can have a cameo . uhm, it'd kind of have to be in chapter 20 or 21, because I've written up to 19. I have *evil* ideas . *cackle*  
  
Thank you for all reviews (especially Kirbypuff *worships*)!!!!!!! 


	12. Ryou's Birthday

CHAPTER TWELVE: RYOU'S BIRTHDAY  
  
There was a knock on the door. Yami was sitting on the floor with the dissected VHS player on his lap. The night before, Bakura had stayed up late watching tapes. As Bakura put it, "the evil mechanism ate the tapes", so Yami was trying to remove the destroyed tape and fix the player before Raven came.  
  
"That must be Raven!" Ryou bounced up from his seat on the couch and dashed to the door. When he opened the door, in front of it stood a boy a little smaller than Ryou with black hair that had conspicuous multicolored streaks.  
  
Finally fixing the tape player, Yami got up and sat back on the couch, flipping up the top of his black laptop. He signed online and noticed an IM from Seto across the room. Seto had a permanent chat room which he used to talk to people with at any opportunity.  
  
He's short, Seto (IMing as BEWDragon) observed silently over the computer.  
  
I noticed. DarkPharaoh replied.  
  
Are we having a nice conversation here? That was Bakura (EvilTombRaider), opening up his own black laptop with the picture of a skull on the top.  
  
"Hey guys, this is Raven. Raven, this is Seto - he's the billionaire computer genius - and that's Bakura, he's my evil tomb raider Yami - and that's Yami Yugi, he's a Pharaoh."  
  
Raven looked intimidated.  
  
He looks scared, EvilTombRaider commented.  
  
So what else is new? We're not exactly a normal grouping of people, ya know. BEWDragon replied.  
  
What does BEWDragon stand for? DarkPharaoh asked curiously.  
  
Blue Eyes White Dragon, of course, but the computer thing wouldn't fit it.  
  
Couldn't you manipulate its syntax or do whatever computer genius stuff you do? EvilTombRaider inquired.  
  
Yeah, probably, but it'd take too much time. All right, let's pay some attention to our little gypsy here.  
  
Gypsy? DarkPharaoh IMed in shock.  
  
Hush.  
  
Do you really think he's a gypsy? Bakura actually looked nervous.  
  
Yes. He looks sort of . gypsy-ish.  
  
Is that a word? DarkPharaoh asked curiously.  
  
You knew what I meant, didn't you? Seto, Yami noticed, had an away icon of a Blue-Eyes.  
  
Well, yes.  
  
Then it's a word.  
  
This is why you're the billionaire and not me. Anyway, let's pay attention to Ryou - it is his birthday, after all.  
  
"We're going downstairs to watch movies now," Ryou was saying. "Can you bring down what you were making, Yami?"  
  
Yami groaned inwardly. He was multitasking: grilling steaks, baking mashed potatoes and a cake (in separate ovens), melting chocolate, baking brownies and freezing whipped cream. "Sure," he said.  
  
"Thanks!" Ryou bounced downstairs with Raven in tow.  
  
Yami dashed to the stove - the potatoes were burning - just in time to save them. As he placed them on a counter to cool, he realized that the chocolate sauce was getting too hot and ran toward the stove, turning off the burner.  
  
"You look like a frantic hamster on its wheel," Bakura commented from the doorway.  
  
"Thanks," Yami replied sarcastically and poured the chocolate sauce into a small pitcher. "Bring me that stack of bowls, would you?"  
  
Ignoring Bakura's murderous glare, Yami took the bowls and placed the top two next to the stove. "Get the chocolate ice cream, too," he added. Grumbling, Bakura obeyed. Yami carefully placed a large hot brownie in each of the two bowls, then put on several scoops of chocolate ice cream and poured in a large amount of chocolate sauce. He then covered the top of it with M&Ms and put them on a tray, stopping only to smack away Bakura's hand. "Stay away from these!"  
  
"It's involuntary."  
  
Yami shrugged and went down the stairs, followed by Seto.  
  
"What are you doing, Seto? I don't see you carrying anything."  
  
"I want to see what they're doing down there."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"He did say Raven was bi, after all."  
  
"Seto!" Yami was so shocked he nearly dropped the sundaes.  
  
"Well, it's a logical assumption," Seto replied a bit defensively.  
  
Yami rolled his eyes and stopped in front of the basement / TV room. "Open the door," he instructed. Seto opened it. Wide-eyed Ryou and Raven were sitting next to each other (A little too close to each other, Seto thought) watching The Matrix with delight.  
  
"Here," Yami said, setting down the tray with the sundaes on it. Seto prudently stopped the movie with Neo frozen in midair.  
  
Raven's eyes widened and a reverent grin came over his face.  
  
"Hey, those look really good!" Ryou grabbed a sundae and began to eat it.  
  
"I was going to put a candle in it," Yami apologized, "but with Bakura the pyro around I didn't think it was such a good idea."  
  
Ryou grinned.  
  
"You two could go outside for a little bit," Seto suggested, glancing outside. Although it was drizzling, the day was really quite nice.  
  
"No thanks," Raven said quickly.  
  
Ryou looked at him quizzically.  
  
"I don't like rain," Raven explained.  
  
Yami looked at Raven's elaborately done black hair with multicolored streaks. "I think I understand," he said with a definitely Yami-ish smirk.  
  
Seto looked at him curiously, then shrugged and picked up the empty tray.  
  
"Thank you so much for carrying something," Yami murmured. "Now let's go upstairs, or the steaks will burn and Bakura will make you scrape down the grill again."  
  
"Let's hurry, then," Seto said quickly and rushed up the stairs. Grinning, Yami followed.  
  
Ryou absently un-paused the movie, then moved closer to Raven and put his head on the other boy's shoulder.  
  
~  
  
SLASH! Hee hee hee! Sorry, I totally could not resist.but they're so cuuuute!  
  
Thanks for reviews! If you have any questions, please IM me at EarthEnder. 


	13. I Didn't Do Anything

Disclaimer: (Do I even need one?) I don't own Yugioh. Fushigi-Yuugi chapters haven't been published yet, but I don't own them anyway. And Raven.well, he's my sister's. She lent him to me in exchange for slash promises.  
  
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING"  
  
Ryou and Raven emerged from the TV room about an hour later. Both were grinning mysteriously.  
  
"Is The Matrix that uplifting," Seto asked from behind his blue laptop with a huge Blue-Eyes sticker on the top, "Or is it something else?"  
  
Ryou turned bright red. Passing by with a tray of steak, Yami surreptitiously kicked Seto's foot.  
  
"Ow!"  
  
"What's wrong?" Raven asked.  
  
"Just the killer bunny," Seto replied lamely. Foo-Foo, naturally, chose that moment to emerge.  
  
"You're keeping it loose?" Seto looked incredulously at Bakura.  
  
"Foofy won't hurt anyone unless I tell him to," Bakura insisted.  
  
"What about the Chihuahua?" Yami remarked from the kitchen. Bakura gave him a dirty look, but the damage was done.  
  
"What Chihuahua?" Raven asked.  
  
Bakura groaned.  
  
*  
  
Raven went home some hours later, after eating a delicious dinner prepared by (who else?) Yami. Ryou then got down to the really important birthday business - opening presents.  
  
"Hey thanks Seto!" Ryou said upon opening his present - a laptop. "But . what's this?"  
  
"I got some pictures of you and Raven and scanned them into my computer, then printed them onto the top."  
  
"What do you have in your room?" Yami asked with a certain professional curiosity.  
  
"Oh, a bit of this, a bit of that," Seto said evasively.  
  
Ryou looked confused. "But where did you get those pictures?"  
  
"You have one in your high school yearbook, Ryou," Seto reminded him.  
  
"We do?"  
  
"Umm, do you normally hug each other for high school yearbook shots?" Yami asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Yami!"  
  
"Blame Seto. He's been corrupting me."  
  
"Actually," Seto admitted, "It wasn't in the yearbook. It's the one you taped on the wall above your bed."  
  
Bakura choked on his soda, coughing.  
  
"Do you suppose we could talk about something else?" Ryou asked plaintively.  
  
"But of course, dear Ryou," Seto said extravagantly. "Tell me, when is the wedding?"  
  
That time, it was Bakura who smacked Seto.  
  
"I didn't do anything," Seto said almost automatically.  
  
"Open some more presents, Ryou," Yami said to head off any further argument.  
  
After Ryou got his present from Bakura - which was a set of daggers - he finally opened Yami's, which was a huge box full of books of all types.  
  
"Thank you Yami!" Ryou said happily, burying himself in books (not literally!).  
  
"Say, Ryou," Seto asked slyly, "What was Raven's present?"  
  
"Your coke is fizzing over Seto!" Ryou said quickly, and indeed Seto had looked away from the drink he was pouring and poured it on the table.  
  
"I told you you should have let me do it," Yami remarked.  
  
Seto glared and wiped up the coke.  
  
"So, what was your birthday present Ryou? A single birthday kiss?"  
  
"Seto!" Yami poured his glass of water over Seto's head.  
  
"I didn't do anything," Seto protested again, pulling ice from his hair.  
  
OK, peoples, thanks for reviews! If you want to read some REALLY great fics, go look in my "favorite stories" thingy.Those are some of the best fics ever!!  
  
This chapter for my poor sister-get well soon! 


	14. Cooking Experiments

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: COOKING EXPERIMENTS  
  
The morning after was a Sunday. Bakura, feeling independent, decided to try to make eggs as Yami was sleeping late.  
  
Yami was awakened several minutes later by the fire alarm.  
  
"Get down here you ******* Pharaoh!"  
  
"Good morning to you, too," Yami said mildly, going down the steps.  
  
"What's going on?" Seto leaned out over the railing. Unfortunately, the night had been very warm and he had taken off his shirt upon going to bed. Bakura and Yami were mildly shocked.  
  
"Oh, oops," he said conversationally.  
  
"He's gay," Bakura remarked in an undertone.  
  
"I know."  
  
"What were we doing? Oh, yes. I was trying to make an omelet," he said, disabling the smoke detector.  
  
"I see. And what happened?" Yami was trying very hard to hold onto his temper.  
  
"Well, the bacon burned up into ashes, the eggs are raw, the salsa fell into the burner, which flared up and set the wooden handle of the pan on fire."  
  
Yami groaned. "Why me?"  
  
*  
  
After the damage had been repaired, Yami had started making eggs in a slightly more controlled fashion than Bakura and Seto had put a shirt on, the day had actually returned to (more or less) normal. Ryou was in his room, stabbing a pillow with one of the new knives in one hand and reading a book balanced on the laptop with the other. Yami decided not to mention the absence of Raven's present as he poked his head in Ryou's room.  
  
"Yes Yami?"  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Multitasking, trying to use each present at the same time."  
  
"Don't do that. You'll end up stabbing the book with the knife and throwing the laptop on the pillow."  
  
Ryou frowned. "Yes, that would be a problem, wouldn't it?"  
  
Yami nodded gravely and handed Ryou the omelet. "Wow thanks! .Bakura didn't burn up the stove."  
  
"No, only the handle of the pan he was trying to cook in. I was actually pretty impressed he didn't burn the house down."  
  
"Thank you," Bakura said modestly from the doorway.  
  
"You can sit down," Ryou suggested. "You make me feel all short."  
  
Yami and Bakura sat on the floor.  
  
"Is this a little family get-together," Seto asked, appearing in the hallway outside, "Or is it something else?"  
  
Bakura gazed steadily at the grinning Seto. "Someday someone will cut your unwholesomely clever tongue out, Seto. And I would gladly be the one to do it."  
  
Seto shrugged, sitting down on the floor with his ever-present bottle of coke.  
  
"Do you drink that vile stuff 24/7," Yami asked curiously, "Or is it a random desire for carbonated sugar water?"  
  
"I never do anything randomly." Seto sniffed.  
  
"Seto," Ryou asked through his omelet, "what do you have in your room?"  
  
"Oh, nothing much. A color photocopier, a color printer, a scanner, six computers, and a few other little trinkets."  
  
"Do you have room for a bed?" Bakura inquired.  
  
"No, I have a sleeping bag in a hammock above the machines."  
  
"Creative," Yami remarked. ".Ryou, do you really have a picture of Raven hanging over your bed?"  
  
"Um," Ryou said with an uncomfortable cough.  
  
"Yes, he does, see?" Seto said gleefully, pointing to Ryou's bed. Sure enough, there was a picture of Raven taped to the wall above Ryou's pillow. "And look there!" Seto added, pointing toward the dresser. Another picture of Raven stood on the dresser in a pink frame with little hearts.  
  
"Seto," Yami said, "Did you snoop in here?"  
  
"Actually, no. The one on the dresser I just noticed and you have that picture saved on our communal computer downstairs, which my computer is hooked up to so I can access all the files," Seto said smugly.  
  
"So," Ryou said, "The next holiday's Christmas. Now, we are getting a fake tree, and I guess Yami will cook. Yami, could you make those chocolate orange brownies for us?"  
  
"Us? Who is this 'us'?" Yami inquired mildly.  
  
"Well, I figured Raven could come over for Christmas too."  
  
"If you say a single word I swear I will rip your tongue out," Bakura added cheerfully to Seto.  
  
" Just don't invite him for National Tomb Raider Day."  
  
"Actually, I was thinking."  
  
"Actually," Seto said quickly, "Why don't you ask him to come?"  
  
"OK!"  
  
Bakura gave Seto a suspicious look.  
  
"So, Christmas," Yami interrupted.  
  
The four of them began to make evil, very Yami plans.  
  
~*~  
  
It took me a while to get this chapter up.and then fanfiction was down, but now it's finally here!! Just a warning for everyone - this will probably become a Fushigi Yuugi crossover. Raven is copyright my sister, The Golden Dragon. You might say the price for "renting" him for this fic was that I would write slash. Happy (belated) New Year! 


	15. National Tomb Raider Day

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: NATIONAL TOMB RAIDER DAY  
  
Christmas passed uneventfully. Seto, to his disappointment, did not discover Ryou and Raven doing anything inappropriate. Each of them was anticipating (or dreading) National Tomb Raider Day, on December 31st. Malik and Marik had been invited. Bakura, being the only one who had ever heard of the holiday (if it even existed, which Yami privately doubted), made all plans. "We're allowed to be evil," he said, "And you, Yami, you can be evil too, since you're an Egyptian Yami even if you're a Pharaoh."  
  
"Thanks ever so," Yami had replied.  
  
Finally the night had arrived. Raven had arrived, and was with Ryou in his room. Seto was being confined downstairs. The doorbell rang. "That's probably Malik!" Bakura said, dashing to the doorway.  
  
"Which one?" Seto asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I mean, they're both Maliks."  
  
"Um, I guess we call one Marik and the other one Malik."  
  
"Hello, Bakura," Marik said with Malik close behind.  
  
"Do you have some food?" Malik asked.  
  
Yami had been warned about the behavior of Malik and his Yami. He also had been instructed in how to reply.  
  
"Only if you ask in a polite way, not in your normal barbaric, crude, uncouth manner of speaking."  
  
Ryou, who had entered with Raven a few seconds earlier, looked shocked.  
  
"Fine, fine. Please get some food. If you don't I will rip out your tongue. Then I will take those beautifully gelled hair spikes of yours and stab them into your stomach. I will bend your fingers backwards until they break and put your toes through a paper shredder. I will holepunch your shins and I will staple your ears to your head. Then, I will."  
  
Yami cheerfully tuned him out and went to get the platter of cookies. Bakura had mentioned that they ate a lot, so he'd bought two dozen large boxes of cookies which were quickly demolished.  
  
Malik had brought a present for Joey and Tristan when they got home. It was, typically, dog biscuits. The box said they were filled with mixed nuts. Malik had filled them with gravel.  
  
After about five minutes of endured insults and obscenities, Yami had prudently suggested that Raven and Ryou go upstairs.  
  
Seto had locked himself in the bathroom with his laptop. Yami was considering doing the same (although hopefully in a different bathroom).  
  
Yami had sealed the kitchen off from the living room, where the Maliks and Bakura were discussing the best way to desecrate graves. There was a back stairway to the bedrooms upstairs (and Seto's bathroom). He took a tray of brownies from the night before out of the fridge and carried them upstairs. He flopped on his bed, took up a 1000 page fantasy book out of his bookshelf and then regretfully decided to share the brownies. He knocked on Ryou's door and opened it.  
  
Ryou was sitting on his bed, reading, with Raven next to him. As they were both reading the same book, Raven was snuggled up next to Ryou. Yami put the brownies down.  
  
"Hello," Ryou said, oblivious.  
  
"Am I interrupting anything?" Seto said from the doorway.  
  
Leaving as Seto walked into the room, Yami stuck out a foot and tripped him.  
  
"Ouch! What was that for?"  
  
Yami gave him a Look and left. Sulking, Seto followed.  
  
"Well?" Raven said to Ryou as the door closed, snatching a brownie.  
  
Ryou grinned, put an arm around Raven and resumed reading the book.  
  
*  
  
"Uh Yami, we have this little problem," Seto said the next morning in the living room.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, you got an email."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
Seto actually looked surprised. "Didn't you know? I hacked into your account months ago."  
  
Yami looked up from his book. "What happened to privacy?"  
  
"It's out of date. You know, all those old-fashioned concepts - privacy, honor, kindness - they just aren't used anymore."  
  
"Were you going to say anything important?"  
  
"Anyway, you got this email from the Fushigi-Yuugi characters. They want to come over sometime."  
  
Yami looked up in shock. "Here?"  
  
Seto nodded.  
  
"Do you know what they would do?"  
  
"Actually I think it's a good idea."  
  
"You would," Bakura said from the steps. "After all, Nuriko must really like you."  
  
Bakura nimbly dodged the laptop thrown at his head. The laptop tumbled to the ground and at the last minute sprouted blue wings and flapped back to Seto.  
  
"New upgrade?" Bakura looked strangely at the computer.  
  
Seto nodded proudly.  
  
"What were you saying about the Fushigi-Yuugi characters?" Ryou asked. He seemed disappointed not to have any holidays to invite Raven over for. Oh, well, Valentine's Day was soon.  
  
"They're coming over," Yami said in annoyance. "I take it you already sent them an email?"  
  
"Umm."  
  
"I thought so. When?"  
  
"Tomorrow."  
  
"Seto Kaiba I am going to get you for this."  
  
"Really?" Seto said with interest. "When?"  
  
"If you two are going to act gay again I'm going upstairs," Bakura commented.  
  
That time it was Yami's book that sailed through the air at Bakura's head. He caught the book deftly and threw it back to Yami.  
  
"Are you gay?" Seto asked the tomb raider with typical bluntness.  
  
Bakura actually blushed.  
  
"I've never seen you blush before, Bakura," Ryou said, bouncing downstairs. "Say, what do you think of a Valentine's Day party?" 


	16. Fushigi Yuugi Crossover

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: FUSHIGI-YUUGI CROSSOVER  
  
~A/N: Sorry, this is sort of a crossover. Anyway, I changed the Fushigi- Yuugi characters around a little. Some of them are younger than they were, or whatever. Wow, this is really getting less and less Yu-Gi-Oh...~  
  
The doorbell rang. Ryou opened it. A pretty lady stood on the doorstep, with a long purple braid over one shoulder. Yami had a feeling he should recognize her, but he didn't remember her name.  
  
"Hello," she said with a smile. Behind her was Hotohori. Bakura noticed that Hotohori's hands were on the smaller girl's shoulders and began to have some *very* evil thoughts.  
  
Behind them was Amiboshi and Suboshi, one carrying a yoyo-like object and the other carrying a flute. Yami did not even attempt to tell them apart. Chichiri stood behind. Seto noticed he still had gravity-defying bangs. He was wearing his mask. Tamahome and Tasuki were also there, almost exactly as Yami remembered them. The girls were conspicuously absent, except for the one who was apparently "with" Hotohori. Nuriko, Yami saw, was missing.  
  
The Fushigi-Yuugi characters entered and were soon in the living room. However, there wasn't enough room on the couches. Raven had come over, of course, so he was sitting on Ryou's lap. The pretty girl was sitting on top of Hotohori, and Suboshi and Amiboshi were on the floor. The rest of them fit on the furniture (barely).  
  
"That's a pretty dress Nuriko," Seto was saying to the purple-haired girl.  
  
Yami stared in shock.  
  
Nuriko smoothed HIS dress with a flirtatious look at Seto. "You like it?"  
  
"Nuriko," Hotohori complained, "Don't do that."  
  
"You're still my bishi, aren't you?"  
  
"Well obviously."  
  
Raven was looking speculatively at Nuriko. "Don't even think about it," Ryou warned.  
  
"OK," Raven said obediently and leaned back on top of Ryou.  
  
Tamahome, Tasuki, Bakura and Chichiri were looking rather disturbed.  
  
"Chichiri, Tamahome, Tasuki, Bakura," Yami said, "Give me a hand in the kitchen, will you?"  
  
Tamahome gave him a grateful look. They entered the kitchen and Yami took his cookies out of the oven.  
  
"Wow those look really good," Bakura said, reaching for one. Yami whacked his hand with the spatula. "Stay away from them!"  
  
Tamahome sat down on a stool by the counter. Yami brought them sodas and sat down.  
  
"Is it just me," Bakura said with characteristic lack of diplomacy, "or does Nuriko normally refer to Hotohori as 'my pretty boy'?"  
  
"I don't think it's just you," Chichiri commented. He took a bit of getting used to, as his eyes always looked closed due to his mask.  
  
Tasuki looked ready to set the house on fire.  
  
"Calm down Tasuki," Yami said soothingly, getting out ice cream (he needed sugar).  
  
"Or Chichiri could comfort you," Bakura added with a smirk.  
  
A bowl of ice cream was upended on his head.  
  
"My hair!"  
  
"I think Hotohori's finally been so overwhelmed by fangirls he's decided to make a statement," Tamahome remarked.  
  
"There are better ways to make statements Tamahome." Tasuki was on his eighth cookie.  
  
"Besides," Chichiri added, "lots of fangirls have been making that pairing for years. There's one I know who makes bookmarks of us, and she has one with pictures of Nuriko chasing Hotohori."  
  
"So Hotohori's gay then?" Tamahome was notoriously blunt.  
  
"Nuriko hopes he is, at least," Seto said, entering and stealing a cookie.  
  
"Ah," Bakura said sarcastically, "The entrance of our cynical, annoying friend. It would not be the same without you."  
  
"Bakura," Seto said, "Are you all right?"  
  
Bakura did indeed look strange. He was leaning against the fridge in the part of the room farthest from Tamahome, Tasuki and Chichiri and his face was red.  
  
"I do not enjoy standing around listening to people discuss Hotohori's gender inclinations," Bakura said delicately.  
  
"You could go back into the living room," Yami suggested with a wicked smirk.  
  
"No thanks. I think I'll go upstairs." Bakura went up the back stairs and almost ran into his room.  
  
"He seems...disturbed," Chichiri said.  
  
"Somehow I don't think tomb raiders are that used to this topic of discussion."  
  
"Yami," Tamahome said seriously, "What we really came to talk to you about is that we're moving in down the street."  
  
".cool."  
  
"We need to send Suboshi, Amiboshi and Nuriko to school."  
  
".what about Hotohori?" Seto asked.  
  
"He's an Emperor; do you think he's going to go to public school?"  
  
".good point."  
  
"So, basically," Yami said, "You want us to get Ryou and Raven to help them at school."  
  
"More or less, yes."  
  
"How come you aren't going, Chichiri?" Seto looked curiously at him.  
  
Chichiri shrugged. "Please. Taiitsu-kun is a better teacher than anyone in this pathetic world."  
  
"Um, right," Yami said, "but you're going to have to talk to Ryou and Raven."  
  
"OK. We'd better go . we're going shopping for school stuff."  
  
"Try to make sure Nuriko doesn't get all pink things."  
  
"I'll try, but I don't think it'll work."  
  
In the living room, Raven was supposedly asleep nestled against Ryou. Hotohori was stroking Nuriko's trademark purple hair.  
  
"OK, let's go," Tasuki said impatiently.  
  
"See ya," Yami said as the Fushigi-Yuugi characters left.  
  
"Bye."  
  
Raven opened one eye and then closed it. He snuggled closer to Ryou. 


	17. School, Day 1

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: SCHOOL, DAY 1  
  
"Uh Bakura what are you doing?" Ryou looked down the stairs.  
  
Bakura had a huge pile of newspapers that he was leafing through. He gave Ryou such an evil look that the hikari seriously considered running back to bed.  
  
"I am looking for a job, if you must ask," he said in annoyance.  
  
"Well, excuse me," Ryou muttered and went downstairs.  
  
"Yami, Raven is coming over for breakfast this morning."  
  
".why?"  
  
"It's Monday and I need to take Suboshi, Amiboshi and Nuriko around school."  
  
Yami turned around and looked at Ryou, at the same time giving Seto a "say-a-single-word-and-you-will-regret-it" glare over Ryou's shoulder.  
  
"What does that have to do with Raven?" Yami flipped a piece of French toast in a pan and then smacked Seto's hand with the spatula. "Stop that."  
  
"Um, he's coming over so we can walk down to the House of Fushigi Yuugi and pick them up."  
  
"I see. And I am supposed to drive all of you, I take it."  
  
"Well, yeah."  
  
There was a knock at the door. Raven entered.  
  
"Raven," Ryou said, "You need to brush your hair."  
  
Raven's normally perfect hair looked rather knotted.  
  
"I know," Raven sighed in disappointment, "I didn't have time to do it before I left."  
  
"Here I have a brush somewhere." Ryou ran upstairs and returned with a bright pink hair brush.  
  
Seto gave Ryou a Look.  
  
"Nuriko left it," Ryou said by way of explanation.  
  
"I see."  
  
"Here you go," Yami said, handing Raven and Ryou plates of French toast.  
  
They all ate breakfast quickly. Seto's new blue car was sitting in the driveway, so he drove off before anyone else left. Bakura was still looking through newspapers. Ryou glanced out the window and frowned.  
  
"Yami would you please drive us to the House of Fushigi Yuugi?"  
  
"It's half a block Ryou!!"  
  
"I know, but it's raining!"  
  
Yami looked at Raven's hair which had been perfectly done with the hairbrush.  
  
"I think I see . sure."  
  
Nuriko, Amiboshi and Suboshi were waiting outside. Amiboshi and Suboshi were wearing jeans and shirts. Nuriko was wearing purple pajama pants and a pink shirt with a butterfly on it. His hair was in its typical braid and perfectly matched his pants.  
  
"Uh-oh," Yami muttered.  
  
By general consent, Raven and Ryou sat in the back seat, Amiboshi and Suboshi in the middle and Nuriko in the front (although Yami wasn't too happy about that).  
  
Nuriko had a pink backpack with all pink supplies. Apparently, the efforts of the other Fushigi Yuugi characters to convince him to purchase a more masculine color had been in vain.  
  
"Amiboshi and Suboshi," Ryou said, "you have all my classes and your lockers are next to mine. The same thing goes for Nuriko and Raven."  
  
Raven gave Ryou an accusing look.  
  
"How come I don't get to be with Amibishi and Subishi?" Nuriko asked.  
  
"Nuriko!" The twins said in unison.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Anyway," Ryou continued, "You have your schedules. Just stick with us and you'll be OK. And, Nuriko."  
  
Amiboshi and Suboshi had identically evil grins on their faces. "I know," Nuriko said. He did, however, look slightly disappointed.  
  
Yami pulled up to the school. "OK, have a good day everyone!"  
  
"You too Yami!" Ryou said. Raven, Ryou, Amiboshi, and Suboshi left the car. Nuriko left last, leaving an odor of perfume behind.  
  
*  
  
"See you at lunch Raven," Ryou said cheerfully as he turned a corner with the twins.  
  
Raven gave Ryou an I'm-going-to-get-you-for-this look and went the other way, followed (a little too closely followed) by Nuriko.  
  
*  
  
Amiboshi and Suboshi had lockers right next to Ryou, which was fortunate. They had no idea what they were doing. In the ten minutes or so they were allowed at their lockers, Ryou organized his locker and then put everything in those of the twins. They then went to their first class - science - where they were dissecting frogs.  
  
Ryou and the twins took one look at the dead frogs and turned rather green.  
  
"You three really don't look so good," the teacher said in concern. "Why don't you go to the nurse and I will give you notes tomorrow."  
  
The three of them went to the nurse and spent the whole period doing math homework that had mysteriously been forgotten over the weekend.  
  
"Eww that was sick Ryou!" Amiboshi said in dismay as they left science.  
  
"I know, I think sometimes our teacher has a warped sense of humor. That's OK though, next class is English, and you'll like that."  
  
In English, the teacher was working on analyzing things. They were instructed to write an essay that analyzed a book or TV show. Ryou, Amiboshi and Suboshi left with evil grins on their faces.  
  
"I wonder how Raven and Nuriko are doing," Ryou mused.  
  
*  
  
Raven hurried to his locker, thinking of rather evil things to do to Ryou for making him take care of Nuriko. When he got to his locker he opened it and looked over at Nuriko. Nuriko was staring at the locker in confusion. "How do you open these things?"  
  
"Haven't you had lockers before?"  
  
"No."  
  
Raven shrugged. "Here I'll open it, watch."  
  
He took the locker combination from Nuriko and began to open the locker when Nuriko began to stroke his hair.  
  
"What are you doing?" Raven said in shock, jumping several feet away.  
  
"You told me to watch bishi." Nuriko replied quickly.  
  
Raven was understandably freaked out, not realizing that Nuriko indiscriminately called all other guys bishis. Luckily the bell had already rung and everyone was running to their lockers.  
  
"Never mind . we have math next, come on." Raven finally ended up carrying all of Nuriko's books as well as his own. He slammed the lockers shut and walked to math with Nuriko behind.  
  
"Hello Raven!" The math teacher said as he entered. "Ah, here's Nuriko . I'm glad you're going to be showing him around for this week! I gave him a seat next to you, by the way."  
  
Raven nearly dropped his stack of books in horror. A week? Numbly, he sat down with Nuriko *very* close to him.  
  
Math went without incident - that is, Raven had to endure Nuriko continually asking to explain things and then leaning on Raven when he pointed things out, supposedly so he could see better, but other than that he was all right (more or less).  
  
Their next class was science. By then Raven was fervently wishing that the Fushigi Yuugi characters would go back to their Universe of the Four Gods and leave him alone.  
  
Raven found out that Ryou and the twins managed to get out of science by looking sick the period before, which didn't improve his mood. Dissecting rats was not quite as bad as math, as Nuriko was so busy trying not to throw up that he didn't have that much of a chance to bother Raven.  
  
By the time he reached lunch, Raven was about to explode and was privately swearing that the next time Nuriko touched him he was going to turn around and rip the other boy's long purple braid from his head. He was entertaining graphic images of doing evil things to Nuriko in the hallway leading to the cafeteria when someone tapped him from behind.  
  
He whirled around. "What is it now?"  
  
Ryou stood behind him, looking shocked. The twins were grinning.  
  
"Oh." Raven said, feeling stupid.  
  
"Sorry about that. Hi, Nuriko."  
  
"Hello!" Nuriko took that opportunity to *subtly* trip Raven, causing him to fall. Nuriko quickly bent, picked him up and dusted him off.  
  
"Are you all right?"  
  
Raven gave Ryou a look that was more like one that belonged on the face of Marik rather than that of an innocent-looking high school teenager.  
  
"Come on," he mumbled and entered the cafeteria line. 


	18. School, Day 1, Afternoon

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: SCHOOL, DAY 1 (AFTERNOON)  
  
After they got their lunch (well, actually, cleverly manufactured plastic deceptively referred to as "lunch") they sat down at one of the tables. Ryou, noticing the homicidal look on Raven's face, prudently arranged the table seating so Raven and Nuriko were opposite each other. Unfortunately, that just meant Nuriko gave Raven star-eyed looks which made him even more annoyed.  
  
Lunch ended and Raven was faced with an afternoon full of Nuriko.  
  
"I wish I was Ryou," Raven muttered.  
  
*  
  
The twins went to their lockers with Ryou after lunch. Neither of them was enjoying school very much, but they were dreading the next class especially: math. Poor Amiboshi and Suboshi were not very good at arithmetic, and Ryou had warned them about the difficulty of high school mathematics.  
  
"So today we will be reviewing parabolas. How can you tell the difference between a quadratic and an exponential graph? Amiboshi?" The teacher smiled all too nicely at Amiboshi and Suboshi.  
  
From in front of them, Ryou passed a note to Suboshi behind him under the desk. It read: "parabolas curve and have a line of symmetry. Exponential just keeps getting larger and larger by greater increments."  
  
Amiboshi dutifully repeated that, managing not to mispronounce any of the mathematical terms. This was partly due to the fact that Ryou had actually written it "Parabolahs kurv and have a line of simetry. Exponenshul just keeps getting larger and larger by greater inkremints." He didn't entirely trust Amiboshi's pronunciation abilites (or lack thereof).  
  
"Very good, Amiboshi!" The teacher said, excited. You see, Ryou was one of the few people in the school good at math, so the teacher was understandably delighted at the arrival of more seemingly talented students.  
  
The teacher went on and on about equations and graphs and the twins were very bored. The teacher, however, continued to call on them.  
  
"Suboshi, how do you tell a linear graph from an exponential graph?"  
  
Suboshi frantically snatched the note from Ryou and read, "Linear graphs do not grow by a larger increment at each point on the graph."  
  
"Right you are!"  
  
Ryou was scribbling notes, all the while mentally speaking to his Yami at home.  
  
/Ryou you should just let them get sent to the principal's or whatever,/ Bakura remarked from where he sat reading the newspaper with several bars of chocolate next to him.  
  
/No! That would be so mean . besides, what would Hotohori do to me if I let them get set back or whatever on their first day?/ Ryou scribbled yet another note relating to exponents and handed it back to Suboshi.  
  
/Good point. How's Raven holding up with Nuriko?/  
  
/Not so good . he looked kind of Yami-ish at lunch. That's not good./  
  
/Actually I think it's an improvement./  
  
/Well, you would./ Ryou took the returning note from Suboshi ("what the hell is an expandent?") and replied, "It's an exponent, and it's like a power - if something is to the second power, it's written the number and then a little 2 which is called the exponent."  
  
"Fine," was the reply, "but what's a power?"  
  
/They really don't know much,/ Bakura commented, looking through Ryou's eyes at the notes. /I could teach them that./  
  
/Along with the technicalities of tomb robbing?/  
  
/That's a very good idea./  
  
Their conversation got absolutely nowhere after that.  
  
Finally the bell rang and Ryou stuffed his fistful of notes into his folder. He rushed out the door before the teacher could trap him and the twins and ask more math questions.  
  
"Wow thanks Ryou," Amiboshi said in relief. "How do you know all that stuff?"  
  
"Well you're supposed to know it too."  
  
"What? You mean you can't just tell us the answers all year?"  
  
"Afraid not . you'd better come over to our house again today, so we can help you with the homework . Hi, Raven!"  
  
The next class the five of them had together. It was global studies. The class was then studying American history. For the sake of Raven's sanity, Ryou requested that he sit next to Nuriko and 'help' him. Raven could watch the twins for the period and be rid of Nuriko for forty-two entire minutes. Raven gave Ryou a grateful look.  
  
When sitting down, Nuriko banged into Ryou's unique hair. "Wow that's so cool!" He said, reaching out to touch it.  
  
Ryou remembered the many times Yami had smacked Bakura on the hand for reaching for the brownies. He did the same thing with his pen.  
  
"Itai!"  
  
"Don't touch the hair!"  
  
"OK, OK," Nuriko said in disappointment, getting out his global books. Raven was at Amiboshi's and Suboshi's desk, explaining who Christopher Columbus was. The bell rang and Raven sat down behind Amiboshi, deciding to use Ryou's technique of note-passing.  
  
The twins were actually very smart. They just didn't care about school.  
  
"Look at the illustration on page 204," Mrs. Simmons, the teacher, instructed. "Do you notice anything out of place in this drawing?"  
  
Ryou's hand shot up in the air. It was the only one, naturally. Being a very good hikari, Ryou always studied and did his homework, and therefore was very good at most subjects.  
  
"Anyone else besides Ryou? No? Well then, Ryou."  
  
"The map is labeled Virginia, but it portrays a longhouse which was not used in that part of America," Ryou said confidently.  
  
"Ooh, can I see?" Nuriko asked, leaning over Ryou to look at his textbook. "Where?"  
  
Uncomfortably aware of the fact that Nuriko's arm was around his shoulders, Ryou shoved the other boy back into his seat and hissed, "Pay attention!"  
  
The sulking Nuriko turned back to his textbook.  
  
"Ooh, Ryou's got a boyfriend!" An annoying classmate whispered gleefully.  
  
Ryou slowly reached into his pencil case and drew out the special mechanical pencil Bakura had made him. It looked deceptively innocent. Carefully aiming, Ryou pressed the eraser in on the pencil. A small, sharp piece of lead flew out of the tip and into the offender's hand. He yowled in pain and jumped up.  
  
"Whatever is the matter, George?" Mrs. Simmons asked mildly.  
  
George held up his palm, exhibiting the lead stuck in it and the blood.  
  
"You probably stabbed yourself with the pencil again," Mrs. Simmons said, "which means you weren't paying attention. You can go to the nurse, but I'm taking a point off your average."  
  
George ran out the door.  
  
"I like her," Raven whispered from their left. Ryou smirked.  
  
/That pencil of yours works really well,/ Ryou thought in a smug tone.  
  
/You used it? You?/  
  
/Yes, see./ Ryou replayed the entertaining event moments earlier in his mind.  
  
Bakura laughed. /How's Nuriko?/  
  
Nuriko was currently peering at Ryou's notes, his hand over Ryou's.  
  
/You have to ask?/  
  
/Hey, I found a job./  
  
/Great! What?/  
  
/I am working in the training sector of the University of Evil Platypi./  
  
Ryou absently smacked Nuriko's hand with the eraser. /Only gym, and then last period left./  
  
/Which is?/  
  
/Spanish./  
  
/Have fun.oh, wait, you get the twins back, don't you?/  
  
/Yes, thank Ra./  
  
Ryou went into another flurry of note-taking, wishing that he had his laptop with him. He didn't want it stolen, though.  
  
/I wonder if there's a way I can bring my laptop here, but I don't want it stolen./ Ryou mused.  
  
/Seto and I could probably devise some kind of tracking system or whatever-no, wait! I'm supposed to hate you!/  
  
/Right...that's the bell!/  
  
"Do you have gym with us today?" Ryou asked Raven as the five of them left.  
  
"No, I had it this morning." Raven lowered his voice. "It was ghastly."  
  
"I'll see you at the bus then, you should come home with us."  
  
"OK."  
  
With Amiboshi and Suboshi in tow, Ryou went to gym, his least favorite subject. It wasn't that he objected to exercise in general; it was simply that he disliked most sports in existence. That day they were walking across beams, possibly for the single reason that the evil gym teacher enjoyed the discomfort of the students. Fortunately, Ryou had good balance so there wasn't that much trouble.  
  
Amiboshi and Suboshi, however, refused to go one at a time and crossed together. Had one not been there to counterbalance the other, they probably would have fallen several dozen times. Ryou made it across without incident, however.  
  
"Last class!" Suboshi said with relief as they went toward the Spanish class.  
  
"Um do you know any Spanish?"  
  
"I can say 'hello'," Amiboshi said cheerfully, "and that's about it."  
  
"Uh this is a kind of hard class guys."  
  
"I know. You can just pass us notes or whatever."  
  
The classroom was very strange. It was composed of small groups of three chairs and desks. Ryou quickly herded the twins toward one of the empty chair groups.  
  
Mr. Jones, the teacher, entered and sat down, looking bored. Everything Mr. Jones did was bored and boring. He walked in a boring, bored fashion. He was one of the most unremarkable people Ryou had ever met.  
  
"Today," Mr. Jones said in a boring voice, "We are working on the tener expressions. What is one of them? Ryou?" For as usual Ryou's hand had shot up in the air.  
  
"Tener frio," Ryou said.  
  
"Yes." Mr. Jones wrote it up on the board. "What does this mean? Amiboshi?"  
  
Mr. Jones had an annoying habit of calling on anyone, whether their hand was up or not. Therefore Amiboshi had been caught unprepared.  
  
"To be cold" Ryou scrawled on a corner of his binder paper.  
  
"To be cold," Amiboshi said quickly.  
  
The class went on with no sound but Mr. Jones' droning voice. Suboshi, however, had not gotten much sleep the night before and was very tired. He finally fell asleep in the last ten minutes of class.  
  
"Suboshi, what does qué mean?"  
  
Ryou frantically stepped on Suboshi's foot.  
  
"What?" Suboshi said in annoyance, waking up.  
  
"Yes, good. Qué means 'what'."  
  
Suboshi looked astonished. The bell rang. The twins and Ryou almost ran out the door and to their lockers.  
  
"Suboshi that was really lucky!" Ryou said as they went toward the bus.  
  
"Yeah I know . we have a ton of homework. You'll help us right?"  
  
"Sure, we're going back to my place."  
  
Meanwhile, Yami settled down on his bed with a book, safe in the belief that the students would be so exhausted that they would simply go home instead of hanging out forever at the Yugioh house. 


End file.
